


Enough

by livingbard



Category: Free!
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-01-18 01:19:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12377940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livingbard/pseuds/livingbard
Summary: It was always like this when they were together. Makoto accepted it as a fact. Grass was green, water was wet, and he was in love with Haruka Nanase, his best friend. Most of the time, that was enough. But sometimes...it wasn't.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [keepleaves](https://archiveofourown.org/users/keepleaves/gifts).



How much more could he take? Makoto wonders, (not for the first time) waiting outside. He jiggles the door and pops it open. He shakes his head and walks inside, calling out softly. 

“Haru? Haru, are you still in the bath?” 

He automatically goes to the bathroom and knocks on the door before opening it, more out of habit than courtesy. 

“Did you forget again? We’re meeting the team to go over next year’s recruitment plan.” He holds out his hand, also out of habit. Haru grabs it and pulls himself out of the tub. 

How many times has he experienced this same perfect moment? How many times has he held out his hand? How many times had Haru grabbed on? How many times had Makoto longed to pull him in tighter, and never let go?

He drops his hand and smiles. “I’ll wait outside, ok?” 

Haru shrugs and grabs his towel, walking towards his room. 

Makoto leans against the wall and closes his eyes, counting his breath. In for four. Hold for four. Out for eight. He touched his chest and felt his heart slow with his breathing. He’d been doing this for years now, just...trying to slow down. He felt the years passing like sand through his fingers and he would have given anything to hold on tighter and cling. As long as he could be at Haru’s side, that was enough for now. 

It would have to be enough to last a lifetime. 

A hand lightly touched the back of his own, sending jolts up his spine. Makoto opens his eyes, and Haru raises an eyebrow. 

“Just a little tired.” Makoto lied cheerfully. “Ready to go?” 

They walk in a comfortable silence, Makoto matching his steps to Haru’s with the ease and familiarity of years of practice. He could tell that Haru was thinking about something, probably about the future, maybe just about food. He was staring out at the sea like he always did, and like always Makoto watched him. He’d long since memorized the look on Haru’s face, but he couldn’t help but stare every single time. 

There was no way to describe the light in his eyes, the wind stirring his hair, the arch of his neck and the set to his mouth, the shape of his jaw, the smoothness of his skin. Makoto wanted to reach out and stroke his hair, caress his cheek, cup his face in his hands and-

“I think this is the place, right?” He says instead, pointing to a sign. It’s a new restaurant, owned by one of Gou’s friend’s cousin’s. She swears by the fish. 

Haru glances at the sign and nods. Makoto opens the door to find their friends already at a booth. Haru slides in first, Makoto sits next to him. Rei pulls out a diagram on paper, and Nagisa laughs. It’s easy, and Makoto smiles, pushing away the thoughts that tell him this is the last time they’ll be like this. 

He’s had those thoughts for years, and so far, they’d been wrong. He just had to take it one moment at a time. Makoto sighed, then realized Haru was looking at him. He smiled and rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.  

“Sorry, just zoning out. Rei’s got a good point, I think if you focus your attention on the first years, you’ll have a better chance at building the team up into something that can sustain itself…”

Dinner was productive and tasty. The fish was good, and they waved their good-byes long after the sun had set. Walking home, it was so cold he could see his breath. Haru was still quiet beside him, not quite unusual, but something seemed...off. He shivered, and Makoto checked an imaginary box in his mind. 

“Ah, you’re cold.”

Haru looks at him and sighs. “It’s cold.” 

“We’re almost back, here.” He hands over his jacket.   


Haru knows better than to resist. He takes the jacket and nearly burrows inside. Makoto’s not that much bigger than him, but he always swims in his clothes because his shoulders are so broad. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath as Makoto waits beside him.

He watches Haru put on his jacket, wanting to reach out and pull him into his arms, hold him tightly and warm him up far better than the jacket could. He’d run his hands over Haru’s arms and his back before reaching up to touch Haru’s cold lips as he leans down and- 

Haru nods. “I didn’t expect to be out this late.”

Makoto rubs his own arms and laughs. “Yeah, we were there for a few hours. I’m surprised Gou’s friend’s cousin let us stay that long.” 

Haru’s looking at him, really looking, and no matter how many years pass Makoto’s heart still speeds up when he looks right into Haru’s eyes. He smiles.

Haru raises an eyebrow, and Makoto knows he’s asking if he’s okay. He nods, and yawns for good measure. “I’m just tired.”

Haru stares at him for half a beat too long, and Makoto longs to step closer, grab his hand, lean down and press his forehead to Haru’s so their breath mingles together in the cold. He imagines a blush on Haru’s face, how good the red would look contrasted against his pale skin. He wants this moment to last forever, wants to hold on to the look on Haru’s face and the feeling in his chest.

Makoto looks away first, stretching his arms up over his head. “You ready?” 

Haru frowns for a fraction of a second before nodding, and Makoto wonders what he’s thinking. They resume their walk, slower than before. Makoto doesn’t mind, wonders how long he could drag this walk out, even though he knows he’ll likely see Haru again tomorrow. 

But there’s something magic about cold air and stars as they walk through the darkness, and there’s something so perfect about Haru in his jacket, and there’s something in the air and in the moment that Makoto doesn’t want to end. His heart is pounding in his chest and warmth is pooling in his stomach and he’s glad he gave Haru his jacket because he feels warm, too warm, and he knows his face is red and he’s thankful for the darkness once again. 

He can hide it most of the time, but there are these moments that he thinks he’s going to burst with longing and desire, moments he can barely hang on and remember that this is what they have and what they have is good enough and he’s grateful and frustrated and elated and miserable all at the same time and he can’t stand to be next to him and he can’t stand to be away from him and he’s feeling too much and he just wants to grab him and shake him and scream at him and kis-

“Makoto.” Haru’s voice snaps him out of it and he shakes his head with a start. They’re back, and he doesn’t remember the last part of their walk at all. He wills his heart to slow and he relaxes his body. He didn’t realize he’d tensed up. 

“Well, goodnight, Haru!” He says, as normally as he can manage. He’s not worried, Haru hasn’t noticed before and he knows he won’t notice now. He turns to leave, knows he needs to get home and be alone. It’s been too much, today, and he’s worried that if he stays any longer he’ll ruin it all. Haru’s hand grabs his wrist. 

Everything slows down and Makoto’s heart drops for a second before he can force it to be still.  _ A little longer. _ _ Just a little longer. _ He turns back around, and Haru is standing there, staring at him, his piercing gaze slicing into Makoto’s soul. Makoto stares back, his heart roaring in his ears. 

There’s a perfect moment of silence. 

Makoto breaths. 

Haru drops his hand and points to Makoto’s jacket. “I can wash this for you.” He says quietly, his eyes still locked on Makoto’s. 

“Don’t worry about it!” He forces his voice to be normal and he hopes he’s successful. It’s hard enough to breathe, let alone talk. He reaches out for the jacket, but Haru makes no move to take it off. Makoto sighs. 

“Just...keep it, ok? It was getting too tight in the shoulders.” A little bit of a lie, but right now Makoto just wants to get out of there before he does something stupid, before he grabs the jacket at the collar and pulls Haru forward and-

Haru frowns. “Are you sure?”

_ I want to kiss that frown off of your face. _

“Yeah, I was going to get rid of it next season anyway. Who knows, you might grow into it.” He says, trying desperately to lighten the tension he feels. 

_ I want to rip that jacket off of you.  _

Haru blinks, and laughs, caught off guard. He pulls at the sleeves, they cover his hands. “I don’t know about that.”

_ I want to stay with you tonight, and every night. _

Makoto finds himself laughing, a little too hard, maybe, but it feels good. 

“You should get inside before you catch a cold.” He says, rubbing his own arms. 

Haru stares at him again for just a moment too long, and Makoto suddenly wonders what it is he’s looking for.

“....goodnight, Makoto.” Haru says slowly, dropping his gaze to the ground. Makoto nearly sags with relief. 

“Night, Haru.” He turns and heads up the steps to his own home. He forces himself to walk normally, or what he thinks is normally, until he gets inside. Then he takes the stairs to his room three at a time before shutting his door with as much urgency as he can while being quiet. 

He flops onto his bed, sticks his face in a pillow, and quietly screams.

~ 

Haru burrowed deeper into Makoto’s jacket, breathing in the familiar smell. He feels a little guilty, he knows Makoto likes this jacket and that it’s not too small for him yet, but the guilt is overpowered by the comfort and security he gets from wearing it. Besides, he’ll wash it and give it back anyway, just like he’s done so many times before. 

It was funny, tonight he thought he almost saw something in Makoto’s eyes, like for a second he could see his own feelings reflected in their depths. But he had been wrong. Haru had always known how he felt about Makoto, and he’d always been sure that Makoto would never feel the same way.

Nights like tonight made him wonder. 

Maybe someday he’d grab Makoto’s hand and not let go. Maybe someday he’d stop leaving his jacket at home so Makoto would give him his. Maybe someday he wouldn’t need to, because he’d fall asleep next to Makoto instead of in his clothes. Or maybe both.

He’d had a good feeling about tonight.

He had a better one about tomorrow.

Haru closed his eyes, pulling Makoto’s jacket closer. This was enough for now. 

....wasn't it?

~ 

His phone buzzed on his desk. Makoto pushed himself up off the bed and answered without opening his eyes. "Hello?"

The world stopped for a moment. 

"....do you want to come over?" 


	2. Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He could wind his fingers through his hair and turn his head to the side and crash his lips into Haru’s with almost fifteen years’ worth of emotion and anguish, pulling him closer so they would fall back against the floor and not caring for a second because he would be holding him in his arms and it is all that Makoto wants....and all that he can’t have.

Haru was still wearing his jacket.

That was all Makoto could think about. They were at Haru’s house. He had jackets of his own he could wear. He’d obviously changed, but he put Makoto’s own jacket back on over his usual sleepwear of oversized shirt and- oh god that was also one of Makoto’s, an old shirt he’d given him a year ago, and he really wishes that he hadn’t noticed. 

“So...what’s up?” 

It was the first thing either of them had said. It was the stupidest thing he could have said. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. You are an idiot. The refrain beat into his brain like a war chant, each word fire searing into his mind. He desperately wanted to sleep, to be alone with his thoughts and rationalize the day like he always did. Compartmentalize. Come back down to earth, to a place that made sense, where Haru was just his best friend and nothing more, because they didn’t need complicated and more was complicated and best friend was enough and nothing could change that and...

….and Haru called him, so he came. 

They sat on the back step of Haru’s porch, side by side like always, staring up at the stars. Makoto kept his gaze as even as possible, fixating on one glowing dot in the sky to keep from staring at Haru for too long. Haru shrugged. Makoto felt it more than he saw it, still focused on his star. 

Haru was inches away from him. It would only take a second and he could-

_Wind his fingers through his hair and turn his head to the side and crash his lips into Haru’s with almost fifteen years’ worth of emotion and anguish, pulling him closer so they would fall back against the floor and not caring for a second because he would be holding him in his arms and it is all that Makoto wants_

-and all that he can’t have. 

Stupid, stupid, stupid. 

“I…” Haru hesitated, and Makoto’s heart stuttered in his chest. “I just. Didn’t want to be alone.” Each word is said slowly, carefully. Haru knows there’s a delicate balance and he doesn’t want to break it. Not quite yet. 

Makoto notes the measure in his words and automatically shifts closer, still not touching. He moved his hand to rest in the space between them, reaching out just enough. 

“...I’m here.” He said softly, and he knows that for once he’s said the right thing. Haru reaches out without looking and takes Makoto’s hand. He nods. 

Makoto’s hand is warm, like always, like the rest of him. Haru’s is cool. Both of their hands are a little rough from time in the water all the lotions in the world can’t quite smooth away. 

Haru looked at Makoto. He can feel his gaze, piercing and direct, and Makoto’s heart hammers in his throat. He can’t do this again. 

Makoto closed his eyes and smiled brightly, relief and guilt and pain and loathing flooding his veins. When he opens them again, Haru’s looking back at the sky and the clouds that are rolling in. He’s skirted the edge and dodged a bullet again, but his chest physically hurts and he’s not sure he can stand it. 

How hard would it be, really, to say a few words? 

_I like you_ isn’t enough. 

_I want to stay by your side_ is too much.

_You are the only thing on my mind at any given moment_ is kind of creepy. 

_It’s meaningless without you_ he’s said before. 

_I love you_ is just….terrifying.

Because he does, and he always has and he always will. Because he can’t say it. Because you’re supposed to date someone and fall in love with them over time, you’re not supposed to wake up and know that you’re in love with your best friend and you’ve been in love with him for longer than you can remember. Falling in love is supposed to be a process, but for Makoto it was just a realization. And he thought it could be enough, to be his friend and be at his side, but with every day passing and every painful smile he’s realizing something else, that it’s not enough and it never will be and he’ll always be longing and pining and yearning for more than what they have now. 

Love is the only word Makoto has to describe this feeling and he’s not even sure that it’s enough to encapsulate the lightning in his veins and the aching in his heart and the fire in his stomach that twists and clenches violently with every single word either of them say. 

Haru’s still holding his hand and Makoto is fighting to keep his fingers relaxed, his other hand is clenched into a fist and his nails are biting into his palm and he’s worried they’re going to draw blood again. The tension is palpable and Makoto wonders if this is all in his head because it has to be, there’s no way it can’t be.  
Haru leaned his head on Makoto’s shoulder and he nearly jumped out of his own skin. The rain begins to fall, he can see individual drops hit the ground in front of him before the sky opens up and a wave of water crashes to the ground. He can feel Haru smile and he should be in a calm paradise but instead he’s in actual hell.

This is hell. That’s all he can think. Surprisingly, there’s less fire than he imagined and a lot more water. 

Haru’s eyes are closed, content. Makoto’s entire body relaxes all at once and he smiles, a genuine, pain-free smile. How could he ever be anything but grateful to be here?

His heart slowed in time with Haru’s breathing and before Makoto knew it he was drifting off to sleep. His arm twinges, reminding him that he’s been supporting both of their weight on his one hand for far too long. Makoto looks at Haru and finds himself amused and annoyed that he’s asleep. He carefully untangled himself and lifted Haru up in his arms. 

Surprisingly, this isn’t the hard part. Makoto’s been carrying sleeping siblings to bed their entire lives.It wasn’t uncommon for him to carry Haru like this, either, and he’s grateful that Haru never grew taller than him. He carries Haru up to his room and sets him on the bed, wrapping the blanket around him.

His watch says it’s two in the morning and he knows it’s a long walk back in the rain, but Makoto couldn’t bring himself to leave. He should just set himself up on the futon in the other room. 

His hand hovered an inch from Haru’s face. 

So close. 

Makoto closed his eyes and pulled his hand back. 

Heart heavy in his chest, Makoto padded to the living room to set up the futon. It would be so simple. So easy. 

He turned his head as he hears footsteps behind him. “I thought you were asleep.” 

Haru yawned and stared, unblinking, at Makoto. Behind him, lightning flashed in the window and Makoto stifled a shudder. He’s never liked thunderstorms, and his brush with drowning last year hadn’t helped. 

“I was just setting up the futon.” He said, gesturing somewhat hopelessly with the pillow in his hand. 

Haru continued to stare at him like he’d grown two heads, and Makoto was suddenly very self conscious. 

“Are...are you sleepwalking?” He asked, mostly to break the silence. It was odd, because Makoto usually lived in the silences they have, when they could be next to each other and just...exist. Except for right now. Right now he longed for chatter and distraction and he briefly wondered how many questions Nagisa would ask if he called him and begged him to come over. Probably too many. 

Haru blinked and frowned, quirking an eyebrow. “I don’t sleepwalk.” 

Makoto laughed. “I didn’t think you did.” 

Lightning flashed again and Makoto winced at the accompanying thunder clap. 

Haru’s frown deepened and his eyes narrowed. Makoto wished he could vanish into the earth and pretend this whole night had never happened. 

“Makoto.” He said quietly. “Why are you here?” 

His brain scrambled for an answer. “Uh...what?” Brilliant. “You, uh….you asked me to come over…?” 

Haru shook his head. Makoto frowned, usually knew exactly what he meant without him having to explain, and it was frustrating when he was being so closed-off. He tried again.

“It’s raining outside, and so I thought I’d just sleep here. I can go, if you want.” A little bit of sarcasm seeped into his words, something Makoto chose to blame on the time and the weather. 

Lightning flashed and thunder followed, louder and closer this time, making the hair on the back of his neck stand up and his heart beat even harder against his chest. He curled and uncurled his palms, shifting his weight as if he were preparing to run. Was he preparing to run? He closed his eyes tightly and bit down on his cheek, trying to calm the rush of adrenaline pulsing through his veins. Moments ago he’d been ready to sleep, and now he was ready to outrun a typhoon. He was too wired, he couldn’t stand still, he couldn’t stand to be here right now, barely holding back everything through sheer will power. 

“I’ll just go home.” He forced himself to say, forcing a smile on his lips. He turned for the door and all but bolted.

“Wai-” Haru’s voice was drowned out by the rain. Makoto didn’t look back. 

Outside, the rain felt good on his skin, even as the thunder shook him to his core. He started to run, and within a minute he was soaked through to the bone.

He wasn’t even sure where he was going. He didn’t want to go home, and he couldn’t stay at Haru’s. He knew he was being reckless, and part of him was screaming that this was a mistake, this was immature, and dangerous, and selfish, and if any of his friends had tried something like this he would have run after them and tried to convince them to go back inside. 

But he wasn’t friends with himself, and no one was going to come running after him this time. Only Haru knew where he was, or where he’d gone, and it wasn’t like he was going to follow him into a storm.

Makoto didn’t know how long he’d been running or really where he was going. The nervous energy drained away, leaving him cold, exhausted, and more than a little scared. He slowed to a stop and sank down under a tree, leaning his head back against the bark.

This may have been the stupidest thing he’d ever done, including the time he’d jumped into the ocean to save Rei without waking someone else up first. Hopefully, tomorrow he could just pretend this never happened. 

He would go home, shower, and sleep, and then go down to Haru’s and knock on his door like nothing had happened. 

Yeah. 

Lightning crashed overhead. 

Yeah, right. 

Makoto sighed and stood up, getting his bearings. Luckily, his legs had automatically taken him on his usual running loop and he wasn’t too far from home. His entire body felt like lead as he began walking back. 

He heard footsteps before he saw him, and he stopped in his tracks. Haru was coming towards him, out of the rain and the darkness, and he was running. He was still wearing Makoto’s jacket. 

He stopped about a foot in front of him, breathing hard.

“You shouldn’t be out here, you’re going to get sick.” Makoto heard himself say.

Haru just tilted his head to the side and stared at him, exasperated.

Makoto held his hands up, surrendering. “I know, I’m one to talk….I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened.”

 

Lightning flashed and thunder sounded simultaneously overhead, and Makoto grabbed Haru’s shoulders instinctively, ducking his head. 

He let go almost instantly, opening his mouth. 

Haru stood in front of him and held out his hand.

Makoto’s apology died on his tongue. 

There was something in Haru’s eyes that he wasn’t sure he’d ever seen before. Certainly not this clearly, and never for this long. 

He took a step forward and slowly reached out his own hand. Lightning illuminated the sky once more as their fingers touched, and Makoto could have sworn that he felt a jolt of electricity run up his arm. 

He started to speak, and stopped. The look on Haru’s face said everything. 

They walked back to Haru’s home, hand in hand, in perfect silence. Haru went immediately for the bathroom, stripping off his wet clothes and leaving them in a pile by the door. Makoto followed suit. They took turns bathing and Haru produced a spare set of Makoto’s clothes from a pile in his laundry room.

They were old and slightly small, but Makoto didn’t mind. 

He turned to head back to the futon when he felt Haru’s hand on his again. 

He closed his fingers around Makoto’s and turned around, leading him to his bedroom. He climbed into his bed, pulling Makoto in with him and tossing his blankets over the both of them. 

Makoto gave up and accepted that this was the direction his life was going in. He was beyond confused, and had reached a level of calm only accessible at three in the morning during a thunderstorm. 

Haru rolled onto his side and nestled his back into Makoto’s side, reaching his hand back to grab hold of Makoto’s once more. 

Makoto stared at the ceiling, completely drained. The last thought he had before falling asleep was how nice it felt to hold Haru’s hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for all of your kind words and support on the last chapter! It really warmed my heart and kept me writing. You are all absolutely amazing individuals and I appreciate each and every one of you who left a comment and gave kudos.
> 
> I will finish this work, hopefully before the end of the year! It'll depend on how much more I feel I need to write to tell this particular story. 
> 
> Until next time!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after.

_Warm._

Makoto drifted in and out of awareness, content to keep his eyes closed and to rest. The sun shone across his face, warm and welcome after the rain of the past few days. He stretched his legs out and reached his arm up before moving to pull Haru closer. 

Haru. 

His eyes snapped open. Haru’s back was towards him, a small miracle. The arm that had been arcing to wrap around him shot back to his side. As quietly and as carefully as he could, he inched his way off of the bed and onto his knees on the floor. Not quite daring to stand up, he tiptoed out of the room hunched over.

He moved pretty quietly for someone so tall, perks of living with two younger siblings and parents who frequently went to bed before he did. He closed the bathroom door and slid down to put his head between his knees. His memories of the night before flood back and he wished heartily that the ground would open up and swallow him in a freak, localized sinkhole accident. 

_Not that he was going to get that lucky._

He brushed his teeth using the spare toothbrush he always kept at Haru’s and splashes cold water on his face to try and calm down. He thinks about masturbating but doesn’t think he could manage it in Haru’s bathroom. He’s already feeling guilty. 

_More cold water, then._

Feeling like he’d just done the school’s polar plunge, he was faced with another dilemma. Did he go back to the bedroom or just sneak out the front and pretend none of this ever happened? 

Makoto was really starting to hate choices. 

Pro: if he just left, he could pretend none of this ever happened and everything would go back to being exactly the way it was before. 

Con: If he just left, everything would go back to exactly the way it was before. 

Pro: Haru could just think this was all a dream and he wouldn’t hate Makoto. 

Con: Haru would probably remember everything and wonder why he left. 

Pro: Maybe Haru had a reasonable explanation for acting so strangely. After all, it was late at night and he had gone running in the rain. 

Con: Maybe Haru would expect him to have a reasonable explanation for acting so strangely. And he really didn’t. 

Pro: Haru probably wouldn’t ask him about it or offer to talk unless Makoto pressed him.

Con: Everything would go back to exactly how it was before. 

_Just kiss him already!_

Even his inner thoughts were against him.

Haru’s bathroom was many things, but it was not a good place to pace. Makoto was just turning in a circle, entire body tense, heart pounding in his throat, wanting to vomit and run and freak out all at once. 

He’d always heard people talk about a “fight or flight” instinct, where people in stressful situations either stayed and “fought” or turned and “fled”. He’d never put much thought into which way his instincts would go. The part of him that wanted to help people and be a better person said that he’d fight for those he cared about, if they were in danger. And he probably would, he knows himself well enough to give himself the credit. But if it were just him on the line, he’d probably flee. He can’t handle Nagisa’s ghost stories without grabbing on to Haru’s arm, if something actually threatening came at him he’s pretty sure he could outpace Rei at his fastest. 

He’d never considered that there could be a third option. But right now, he’s not fighting or fleeing. He’s just… freezing. Maybe it’s because he has a little time, his watch says it’s about seven thirty and after the night they had he’s sure Haru’s sleeping in. He wishes he were still asleep, too, and part of him is hoping that he is, and that he’ll wake up in his own bed in his own house and none of this would have happened and, and, and….

_And everything’s just the same._

Without making a conscious decision, but he walked back to Haru’s room, sliding into Haru’s bed with the same care that he’d taken getting out of it. 

Haru shifts against him until his back is flush against Makoto’s chest. There may be a sigh, he’s not sure if he actually heard anything or if he’s just losing his mind more than normal. He yawns and closes his eyes again. He’d only been asleep for a few hours and he knows he’s going to need to be well-rested to deal with this in a few hours. 

When Makoto opened his eyes again, his entire world is the most intoxicating blue he’s ever seen. It’s familiar, but not too familiar. He leans in closer, wanting to drown in the feeling for as long as he can. The rest of the world gradually fills in around the blue, becoming more familiar every second. He blinked a few times before realizing that Haru was staring directly at him, about two inches from his face. Makoto swallowed hard. 

_Lips brush ever so lightly against lips before he pushes forward and knocks him down on the bed, making up for all of these years of wondering and waiting and Haru would kiss him back and dig his nails into the skin of his back and god his back is so sensitive he would just melt further against him and-_

He yelped and fell off the bed. 

Haru’s head appeared over the edge. “....are you ok?” 

 

Makoto sat up, rubbing at the hip that took the brunt of his fall. “Y-yeah, I’m fine. You just...scared me.” 

“....this is my room.” 

Makoto winced and tried to smile. “Yeah. Yeah, it is.” 

_God, could you be more pathetic?_ “Thanks for letting me sleep here, I should go, or are you hungry? Do you want to make some breakfast?” He’s trying his hardest to be cheerful and curses himself when he hears his voice waver. He knew he was talking too much but he couldn’t help it, he can’t stand the tension in the air and he doesn’t want to contemplate what it means.

A hand appeared in front of his face. His stomach swooped as he slowly reaches out to grab on. Haru hauled him off the floor. 

For a second he just stood there, still holding Haru’s hand, before letting go. 

“I’ll just go cook, you can take a bath.” 

Haru frowned, looking almost... frustrated. It’s a look Makoto’s used to seeing in the winter before they had access to the Samezuka training pool year-round. Well, it’s almost like that, but somehow...more. Makoto turned to head for the safety of the kitchen. 

“Makoto.” Haru’s quiet voice rings out in the silence. 

“Hmm?” Makoto doesn’t turn around, hand already on the side of the door. 

“....mackerel.” 

He nods and heads for the kitchen. 

Makoto left after breakfast, heading back to remind his family he’s alive and to his housework. He does a load of laundry for his mom and helps his dad deep-clean the kitchen before sitting down to help his siblings with their homework assignments.

Haru sighed, hard, and rubs his eyes with his palms. He really thought he’d done it. What could be more obvious than literally taking him by the hand and pulling him into his bed? He was beginning to think that Makoto really just thought of him as a friend. That was the only way that he could even conceive that he was being so idiotic. What else was he supposed to do, literally throw himself at Makoto’s feet? He had the strongest suspicion that Makoto would just pick him up and go about his day as if it were entirely normal. 

He pulled out his phone. 

_H: we slept in the same bed and held hands_  
_R: FINALLY_  
_H: no_  
_R: fuck you mean no_  
_H: he cooked breakfast and left without eating_  
_R: …._  
_R: are you kidding me_  
_H: he said he had chores_  
_R: ….goddammit_  
_R: CHORES_  
_R: FUCKIN_  
_R: I will kill him_  
_H: I should stop trying_  
_R: what no why don’t do that_  
_H: He doesn’t feel the same_  
_R: I swear to you he does_  
_H: If he did I’d know_  
_H: He doesn’t_  
_R: He does_  
_R: I know he does_  
_R: Everyone in this town knows it_  
_R: Haru?_  
_R: Don’t stop responding_  
_R: Goddammit_

Haru put his phone down and sighed. He just needed to accept that Makoto didn’t return his feelings. Easy enough. 

A few days later Makoto cautiously knocked on the door. He hadn’t seen Haru since the disaster of a breakfast he’d fled from. 

“Haru,” He called. “Are you here? My dad made some extra tonight, he sent me here with it for you.” 

He went and dropped the bag in the fridge. It was weird for Haru to be out this late without him knowing about it. 

He checked the bedroom, bathroom, laundry, even the porch and the yard. Nothing. The door had been unlocked, but Haru frequently forgot about locking it anyway, especially when he left in his swimsuit and didn’t have anywhere to put the key. 

But he wouldn’t have gone all the way to Samezuka without a bag to change into and even though it had been warm that day the ocean wasn’t warm enough to swim in, surely even Haru knew tha-

The door slammed as he took off for the beach at a dead run. 

Haru stared out over the ocean. He wasn’t an idiot, he knew it was too cold to go in. But he liked to watch, even if couldn’t swim. The sunset over the water was peaceful with the sounds of the waves in the background and the smell of the salt on the air. He’d been coming out here for the past few days, letting the ocean drown out his thoughts. 

He sat on a towel on the beach, knees drawn to his chest, chin on knees, eyes slowly closing. He could fall asleep out here, he’d considered it before but he knew it would make Makoto worry, so he never had.

Just the thought of Makoto sent a pang through his chest. Haru shook his head and stared back out over the water. He set his breath to the pace of the waves breaking against the shore and emptied his mind of all thoughts. For the moment, he’d found a tenuous peace. 

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been sitting when he sensed Makoto running up to him. The sun had all but disappeared from the sky and the wind began to blow colder. He took a deep breath, as if to steel himself. 

“H-haru.” Makoto was breathing hard from the sprint he’d made. He felt foolish, thinking Haru would jump in the ocean this time of year. Clearly he’d been mistaken, and he’d sprinted this far for no reason, and now he was out of breath on the beach with Haru. Alone. At sunset. 

Haru looked at him expectantly. It was safer than trying to speak with his heart in his throat. 

“I stopped by to drop of some leftovers and you weren’t there.” I was worried about you.  
He shrugged.

“I, uh, thought you might be here.” Getting hypothermia. 

Haru gazed back over the water. “It’s peaceful.”

“Can I sit down?” He blurted, before he could stop himself. 

Haru nodded and shifted to make room. 

Makoto sat down. 

The tension murdered Haru’s tranquil silence. 

“Do you like me?” 

Makoto’s soul astral projected out of his body. 

Haru nearly jumped off the towel. “....what?” 

Makoto opened his mouth to say literally anything in the world and got as far as the first syllable before Haru’s mouth was on his, firm and decisive. Makoto's mouth went slack for a moment. Haru pulled back, biting his lip. Before he could say anything, Makoto surged forward, crashing their lips together and pinning Haru to the towel beneath them. 

“I’ve been waiting for that for years.” Makoto admitted sheepishly some time later, when they were laying on their backs, staring at the stars and holding hands. 

Haru nodded his agreement. “....I was beginning to think you didn’t feel the same.” 

Makoto rolled on his side to meet Haru’s gaze. “I’ve loved you my whole life.” He said, softly and simply. “It’s meaningless without you.” 

Haru shifted closer to capture Makoto’s lips again. 

“I love you.” He said quietly. 

They walked home in a comfortable silence, hand in hand. Makoto blushed and nodded when Haru asked if he wanted to spend the night. 

This time, when Haru climbed into his bed, Makoto only hesitated a little before getting in beside him. _His hair looks so good in the moonlight,_ Makoto thought, and told him this. Haru’s response was to bury his face in Makoto’s chest, wrapping his arms around him. 

Makoto pulled him close and closed his eyes.  
_This was enough for a lifetime._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has left kudos and comments! This wouldn't exist without you. I'm pretty sureties is the first time in 10 years of writing fan fiction that I've actually finished a multi-chapter work! Shout-out specifically to my good friend keepleaves who encouraged me every step of the way and who keeps me grounded in MakoHaru hell. Thanks again!

**Author's Note:**

> A short ficlet dedicated to my first and favorite internet friend! Happy birthday, I hope you like it as much as I like you~ 
> 
> It's been a while since I've delved into the Free-verse but with the new stuff coming out I figured now's as good a time as ever to hop back on the bandwagon! I've been MakoHaru trash since the first episode of the show and that'll never change. 
> 
> Work wasn't beta-d, if there are any egregious errors, please let me know and I'll fix them right up! 
> 
> Kudos are nice, comments are gr9 
> 
> This is the first thing I've published in a while, I might add more to it later (or not) it's a mystery! 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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